the artist trap.





It's Sunday. I am basically a cat in woman form. My husband leaves for 5 weeks in 3 days on a sold out tour. I'm thankful and sad. I always think I will get better at this part of our lives together but It is sort of impossible. Especially after you've had a child! It's tough and anyone who has a spouse who tours knows how lonely it can be for both parties. All that being said, when i watch my husband perform I know he was born to be just that. I'm excited for him to get to do what he loves and for me to get to cheer him on. 

Ive always been a bit more shy. Making music is my favorite thing but traveling is definitely not what I was cut out for.  I have toured the country many times from the age of 14 and though it had its many fulfilling moments, I never quite fell in love with the act itself.

I've done one tour with sucre and It went well but I just don't wake up every morning wanting to be out on the road 6 months out of the year, dragging my toddler from city to city in a tiny space on wheels.   

I have hope for artists in the future to be able to sustain a career through social media and live a slightly more balanced life. Gifting fans with enough to make it worth it. I talk to so many tired un-inspired musicians who are trying to keep up with the fast pace of the industry machine who are pounding the pavement only to wear themselves out from the monotonous rhythm of traveling.  

I think I'm a person who craves balance and consistency. I also struggle with anxiety so traveling is hard for me. 

I'm learning to let go of the industry mold and figure out what type of artist I want to be. I hope to be one who is still current and produces great work. But perhaps mainly via HERE. Maybe it's not face to face but isn't that a whole lot to ask of one person in this huge world with millions of people? Isn't there a less taxing way to share? 

Perhaps I'm completely off. Maybe this type of thinking will only land me in the "young female artist graveyard"... But there's no guarantee I wasn't headed there already!  

At least I will have my sanity.  and that folks, is worth a lot to me. I look forward to sharing the new music I'm currently working on with you all. And I want to thank you for peering in and taking the time to read, to listen, to be there for me.

Shirt: Zara. Necklace: rocksbox. Hat: Anthropologie.